Confidence in self

It’s always good to contradict one’s self early in a book so that deep thought can be provoked on the part of the reader. So I suppose this is a good spot. In the previous chapter I warned against placing one’s faith in someone (or some thing) other than God. Now I am starting the next chapter discussing confidence in one’s self. It seems like a contradiction but with a little investigation I think we can find our way out of this dilemma.

Actually, there is nothing wrong with confidence in one’s self. Great people are great because of confidence in their abilities. A healthy self-image and good self-esteem are very necessary in the accomplishment of our goals as Christians while in this world. The problem has never been confidence in ourselves; The problem is when our confidence in self is greater than our confidence in Saviour. It is only because of confidence in God that I can have true and proper confidence in self.

One of the interesting things in Christianity is the vast array of paradoxical encounters one has. To be great, one must be humble; To be free, one must become a slave; To live, one must die; To have confidence in self, one must trust totally in Christ. Don’t be discouraged if you don’t really understand this. The proper understanding of this concept comes with time, experience, and reflection. I can’t teach it here; You will have to learn it on your own. But don’t be too concerned. One day when you are not even considering the matter at all, it will suddenly dawn on you that you finally and really understand it.

Rather than to make you understand all there is to know about the paradox syndrome found in Christianity, I would rather spend a little time teaching you about self-confidence and how to obtain it. We already know the necessity of confidence in God and have seen the evidence that such confidence is justified. But now how do I obtain confidence in self?

Let’s begin by seeing why I don’t have the confidence that I should have. Have you ever been to a circus and seen the elephants? Before the show starts you find them tied to a wooden stake outside the big top. All day long they walk around lifting their leg and “pulling” against that stake but they cannot get loose. But consider the facts for a minute. This same elephant that is bound by the stake was the elephant that pulled the big top into place, carried heavy posts and equipment, and weighs thousands of pounds. Actually he can not only pull up that puny stake, he could carry the man that drove it into the ground while in the process of pulling it up. Why then doesn’t he get loose?

When that elephant was very small he was chained to a metal post set in cement. All day long he tried and tried to pull loose but could not. Finally he learned that he was chained and, although he went through the motions, he never really pulled anymore because he had learned it was useless. Now as a grown elephant he still goes through the motions but does not really put any effort into getting loose. He’s chained in his mind. Sometimes we are chained in our minds also.

Why I am chained could be because of a myriad of reasons which would be impossible for me even to list here. Childhood disappointments, rejection, failed marriages, and so many other things can cause a poor self image and cause me to fail to have a proper confidence in myself. This poor self concept will always prevent me from being all I could be for the cause of Christ.

While it is true that I cannot possibly discuss all specifics in relation to the causes of a poor self image, I can look at several areas which seem to be universal in nature. Three of these I would like to reflect on are failures, frustrations, and doubts.

The first great obstacle we seem to face is failure. One author who deals extensively with children pointed out that we often unintentionally teach children that they simply do not measure up. He gave the example of the preschool group which contains one particularly attractive child who gets all the attention. This tells the remainder of the children that they are missing something which this child has. Certainly we mean no harm when we do this (and all of us have done this) but the harm is often done none the less.

While this is the beginning of the demise of self esteem in many children, it is certainly not the end. We criticize their poor performance but never compliment their achievements. We tell them they need to study harder and try harder (no matter how hard they have already tried) rather than commending them for their efforts. We point out their flaws and shortcomings on a regular basis (“you didn’t clean your room; Put your things away: Why can’t you be more like your sister”) and never celebrate their successes. We do this to our children and this was done to us. It is the start of a trend that will become a pattern that will fill our lives; in school, at work, at home, at play.

This guilt process which we have learned to accept causes us to blame ourselves for failures that have no relationship to ourselves. We feel that we have failed when we try to teach someone about Christ and they reject that teaching. We feel the necessity to be “successful” when we are sharing Christ and when we are not it causes us to develop a “win at all costs” attitude. Before we even realize it, we are past trying to win a soul and are instead trying to win an argument. We have forgotten our mission and our attention is turned from the needs of the lost to our need to succeed. This situation tragically causes us to fail because of our approach and the problem worsens and our self esteem continues to diminish. Many good Christians give up personal work efforts because they feel they have failed.

This is the problem: Now, what’s the solution? First, it is here that we need to stop, reflect, and turn again to Christ and regain a proper perspective concerning our efforts. At this point I like to stop and have a talk with myself (this is perfectly acceptable behavior!) and remind myself that I am a child of the king. I stop and reflect on what I want to accomplish and how to go about it and again remind myself that God is on my side. Most importantly I pray about it and consider God’s answer to my situation which He recorded in the Bible even before I faced the situation.

There is another very important step which I must take. I must remember that I simply don’t know everything and that sometimes my solution or understanding is not the one that is best. I then turn to a chosen mentor for his advice and reflections on my problem. Every Christian should have a particular person of their own choosing to fulfill this position in their life and that person should be a strong, mature Christian. But we must never take their advice without reservation. It, too, should be weighed in the balances of the Scriptures. Everything must revolve around the mind of Christ.

Short of failure comes frustration. Sometimes we are having some success but not as fast or as much as we feel we need. We become unsatisfied and this feeling can be very damaging in our lives. In fact, this can eventually be more harmful to our spiritual growth and performance than total failure. If some success is being achieved we may continue on a path that will be ultimately unproductive. If, however, we are having no success at all we may stop and plot an alternative course that will be very successful.

It is here that if we are having nominal or marginal success we must stop and consider alternatives to our present direction. It could be that God has not helped our present course because “we ask amiss” and ultimately harm will flourish from our good intentions. It may also be that God wants or needs us elsewhere and the only reason we have not noticed this is because we are self-willed and are not willing to reevaluate our direction and consider that our direction is not God’s direction for us. We must openly and honestly seek God’s direction and not stubbornly hold to our own.

We must also recognize that some ground is harder to plough than other ground and that it may be that we are not ploughing hard enough, deep enough, or often enough. It may be that we are at the right location and doing the right thing but in the wrong way. To have self confidence we must properly recognize that our approach may need overhauling by the hand of the Creator. True self confidence is not found in our abilities, they are given to us anyway. True self confidence comes from having a proper relationship to God; He as the Shepherd, we as the sheep.

Finally, we need to recognize that we must be on the right path before we can lead others. Being on the wrong path makes us “blind leaders of the blind” and is no more than spiritual insanity. Only the sure footed can climb a mountain or walk a dangerous path. It may be that our frustrations are brought about by not yet being trained ourselves.

As we grow spiritually we must feed on the proper diet. Don’t be ashamed if you are beginning the Christian life and are still on the milk. That is natural. To consume meat as a baby is dangerous and one should properly watch their spiritual diet. But one should be ashamed if they have continued on the milk long after they should have grown to a more advanced diet (Hebrews 5).

Spiritual growth requires training the conscience. A healthy self-esteem means knowing you can rely on yourself and you can only know that if your conscience is trained in Christian principles. An untrained or damaged conscience can spell disaster; A trained conscience can be your most valuable possession.

Finally, we should take a minute to consider the problem of doubts. Sadly, doubt causes inaction. I often council individuals which have some religious confusion on some particular subject. That confusion has almost always come from some statement or teaching done by a self appointed “scholar” of Bible interpretation. I always begin by asking the person how they came to their particular conclusion and whether or not they have read what the Bible has to say on the matter. Nearly every time they respond that they can’t understand the Bible and need others to guide them. This fear and doubt in relation to Bible study is one of Satan’s greatest tools. God prepared the Bible for man and gave it to him; Satan took it away by convincing him that it was not understandable. This doubt causes many to live in sin unknowingly and to be lost eternally. Doubt is certainly a great enemy in this example to the individual.

Doubt is also an enemy to the church and its mission. Just as Moses tried to excuse himself from the service of God in his appointed task, so also many today make excuses in relationship to their particular responsibilities. Consider the idea that “someone else can do a better job than I can.” That being the case, only a small handful of christians in each congregation would do all the work. (Come to think of it, isn’t that exactly the case?) Think of the power the Church would have if we were all mobilized in the work of the Lord. Our power would be staggering. We could put our professional “clergy” out of business by fulfilling the great commission personally rather than by proxy. If you get nothing else from this book, get this one thing: “Don’t make excuses – volunteer!”

In my life I have done a lot of things. I have been a soldier, power company meter reader, security guard, private detective, police officer, salesman, laborer, plumber, and so forth. But in all these things that I did, I learned one valuable lesson. Enthusiasm can be the difference in whether or not I do a good job and whether or not I enjoy a particular job. Lets apply that to Christianity.

One of the reasons that spiritually I may have a lack of confidence is that I lack enthusiasm. It may be that the excitement of Christianity has dimmed over the years of my service. It could be that I have allowed the fervor of new love to die down as I became “comfortable” in my marriage to Christ. Perhaps the romance needs to be rekindled. Enthusiasm is one means to rekindle that love and devotion.

But how do I regain that enthusiasm? In physical romances we do it in a number of ways. We rediscover the things that brought about our love in the first place. We spend more time together and learn again to share common things. We give ourselves again totally to our mates as we once did in the beginning. Before we know it, if we were really in love in the first place, the enthusiasm returns to our relationship. This also works with Christianity.

Our love was first created by the great sacrifice made on our behalf by Jesus, thus demonstrating His love for us. He showered us with gifts and expressions of His love and we were swept off our feet by the attention and the dedication to our needs and desires. He gave us His full attention and we fell hopelessly in love because of His kindness, gentleness, and protection against all bad things that could harm us. We need to stop and rediscover the love He had for us and the love that His feelings created in us for Him. Enthusiasm has begun to return.

Often times we have become very busy in our everyday lives and we simply do not spend the time together with Christ that we used to. Our spiritual marriage to Christ has been slowly pushed back by daily concerns and rituals. As we begin to spend more time together, this relationship again begins to move to the forefront where it belongs.

There are several things involved in spending more time together. First, we need to communicate more. This is done by a greater prayer life and an enhanced appreciation for Bible reading and study. This is the way we communicate with Christ and is essential if we are to have the enthusiasm necessary to fulfill our needs and fulfill our marriage vows. If you believe that you can obtain the proper enthusiasm for your marriage to Christ without these two items, you are deceived and your marriage is doomed unless you reconsider. That’s just the way it is. Christianity does not flourish without Bible study and a good prayer life.

Secondly, we need to do more things together. Spiritually we do this by getting busy. We attend the periods of worship that are available, we attend meetings, lectureships, and devotionals. But we also visit the sick, council the discouraged, aid those in need physically, and just be there to do any work we can that is of a Divine nature.

As we do these things, we begin to again develop the proper relationship to our first love, Jesus. We have come again to the place where we give ourselves totally to our spiritual mate and set aside those things that have interfered with that relationship. Our love regained, we again have the self confidence we need and the doubts vanish as does the mist of the early morning when. the sun breaks forth the clear, bright morning sky.

One final thing. We all have spiritual goals we have set for our children. Sometimes I just like to stop and review their progress towards those goals that my children are making. But guess what. I have found that the goals I have set for my children are usually the goals I should be trying myself to obtain. My advice here is to be what you desire your children to be. We want them to be the best they can be. Christ wants the same for us.